Social Media and Hypocrisy!

Social media has taken over our lives. Staying updated about the whereabouts of our family and friends from miles apart, being a part of their happiness even if you aren’t there in person, are all advantages that make us crave more and more for some online time.

However, there is a severe downside to all of this. And I am not saying this with the perspective of straining your eyes while continuously glaring into the mobile or not spending enough time with family and friends because you are happier in the virtual world. Social media has not only changed our lifestyle and the way we perceive happiness (number of likes/upvotes) but also altered our personality to the point that we are losing ourselves to our virtual self.

Imagine you chatting with an acquaintance or someone who still isn’t in your ‘close friends’ group. The natural instinct while chatting with such a person is to appear cool, witty, one who thinks on his/her feet and is a natural conversationalist. It won’t be a surprise if we type-untype a sentence couple of times till we are sure we are coming across as someone we strive to be; not the person we are. As opposed to this, in a personal meeting setup, we don’t tend to over-analyze, overthink about every sentence before saying it. We may get ridiculed for saying pretty dumb things sometimes but don’t you think that is totally worth than sounding like someone you are not?

We Indians have always been a hypocritical lot. There are a lot of memes going around these days about our hypocritical society. ‘We can pee in public, not kiss in public’ being the most popular one. This ‘digital persona’ of ours is probably the hyper sensationalized version of this hypocrisy. Spend more and more time on social media and you come across a lot of examples where fake flamboyance and showiness have taken over genuine emotion.

Starting with the current trend of ‘Mother’s day’ and ‘Father’s day’. I am all for appreciating what our parents have done for us all our life. I am sure everybody has stories about his/her mother and father sacrificing something to keep their child happy and content. Their contributions should definitely be appreciated. But won’t it be better to show your appreciation by taking them out for dinner, or cooking something they like than posting a photo on facebook saying ‘I love you mom/dad’? Most of the parents aren’t even on facebook and won’t even see these messages. So who are we posting this for? Our parents, to feel good about our self, or for our social image?

Another story I heard was something on the same lines. A boy was really impressed when his girlfriend mentioned that she wanted to visit an old-age home. After arriving there, all she did was click a few selfies with the members there to post on her social media page. After getting what she wanted, she left. Her digital image would show her to be a compassionate, noble soul who spends her free time working for the betterment of the society. So much disparity between the real her and the digital her!

It is not just on Facebook that this ‘trying to set my image’ trend exists. I am on Quora which is a question-answer social network with a huge population of intellectuals. Talks here include anything under the sun; but even they aren’t without their own share of hypocrisy. When asked ‘What would you do if you have 1 lakh excess amount’, someone replies ‘I would teach a child’. Such a noble thought! But has anyone ever thought that it does not take a lakh Rs. to teach someone and if someone is really serious about this, they can do that in less than a 1000 Rs. As someone rightly pointed out in the comments section, primary education is almost free in government schools. If someone is genuinely interested in doing what they say they want to do, they would have had all the necessary information to take this step anytime in the present or future. Empty vessels make the most noise they say!

A lot of the Quora questions are based on ‘What are you doing for the country’, ‘How can you make this world a better place’. Honestly, if every person who wrote answers on these questions does what he/she writes, along with spreading what and how he is doing it, India (or world) will actually be a better place! An argument to this can be that there are only 2% Indians on Quora and maybe they are actually doing whatever they say. Taking a positive view on this, I really hope everybody is doing their share and are not posting these answers just to have a good social image.

Everybody has an opinion these days about whatever is going on in the world. Everyone opposed and ridiculed the Yulin festival in China even though all animals anywhere on the face of the earth are undergoing the same fate. An IAS officer writing an essay of ‘Why should dowry be eradicated’, asking for ‘1 Crore’ dowry at his own wedding, is another such hypocrisy. People ridicule the beef ban; change their profile pictures to show solidarity to the current events. (Coloured pics to support same sex marriage currently) All this definitely helps in increasing awareness and spreading the word. However, blinding protesting or supporting a cause without enough knowledge about the same is as harmful as half-baked knowledge always is. Support and spread awareness after educating yourself completing regarding the issue rather than posting up stuff just for the sake of it.

I am not even going into the ‘Awwwwwwwwwwwws’ (raised to infinity), ‘I miss you’ s and ‘I love you’ s that are so frequently seen on our Facebook page these days. (Since when did saying ‘I love you’ to people-close or acquaintances- become so common in India?)  Though there might be a tinge of truthfulness in these expressions, it would be so much better if these feelings are conveyed to the respective person along with raising the hotness (?) of our Facebook page.

If only we would focus on making our self a better person in real life than trying to portray an idealistic social image…

From a developing country to a developed one!

Its been months (or has it been a year) that I haven't been very active on my blog. There were many ideas in mind, some completely clear in the form of sentences and paragraphs too but somehow never made it to this blog. Finally, I have found time to get off my bed and out of my laziness and have put some of those thoughts here.

Its been almost half a year that I have been in Canada now, away from my home and my family. To say that this has been an exciting journey would be an understatement. The experiences I have got here are completely different than those I would have got in India. I met different people and came to know about their various experiences which were so distinct from mine. Food wise it has been a totally satisfying journey as I have tasted home cooked Persian, Moroccan, Korean and of course Indian food. Hoping to taste many such different cuisines here! I have also learnt many things about myself which I was unaware of- one of them being that I am horrible with directions!! Would never have learnt this in the city where I have spent 23 years of my life!

I also found a vast difference between the country of my origin and the country of my current residence. The difference wasn't just in the way of life but in the way people and authorities behave. The first experience I had was when I went to open a bank account in a local bank. They asked for my passport as identification and there was a 20 Rs note in the passport left by mistake. The bank officer smiled and gave me my money back saying 'You know, we don't take bribes here!' (Impressions foreigners have of India... But this in some other blog! )

Another difference was the way unknown people smile at you on roads, say how are you and make random talk about your well-being in cafes and restaurants. Coming from a country where I am trained to be suspicious of all things around me, I kept on finding some possible intention that people might have in thanking a bus driver after a bus ride.

This made me think about the differences in attitudes of the people in both countries. The way a country turns out to be depends a lot on the people in that country. It is said that an Indian in America wont spit on the roads there but he will on the roads when he comes back to India. Is that a fear of authorities or just imitation of people there? Whatever it is, it is working well for the country. Agreed that the government in India isn't an ideal one, but are we as people doing enough to make the country better? For example Government has put over-bridges on roads with extra traffic but still people prefer crossing the roads in the heavy traffic endangering their own lives. The under-walk pavement on major intersections for people to cross the road are unused and the photo frames used to decorate the under-walk are stolen. There are sketches and hearts on public monuments and tobacco stains in buses and trains. I doubt people know what zebra crossings are meant for because nobody even thinks of waiting behind one.

Of course in our huge population it is impossible to expect people to stand in a line while getting on a bus or a train as it is done here. That would only mean missing the means of transport. How difficult is it to go at 80 kmph speed limit on the expressway and not speed above it? But only blaming the government will do us no good.

What we are lacking as people of India is basic civic sense. If everybody tries to follow and abide by the basic rules and regulations laid down, there will be more discipline. It would ensure that atleast whatever amenities are in place are utilized to their maximum potential.

We have proved that we have a great culture. We have stood together when people around us needed us the most- be it during the Mumbai floods when people gave food and drinks to others affected by the floods, Mumbai attacks where the National Security guards were felicitated by common people for fishing out all the terrorists from The Taj or the recent Delhi rape case when people came on the streets fighting for justice for the victim. All we need is a little discipline, a need to believe that the country is your home and a little more empathy for people at all times. This is what we can do, according to me, from our side to take the step from being a developing country to being a developed one! 

MEMORIES...

Just two days before I had a wonderful experience. It was like going back into time.

My mom,sister and I were chatting about our childhood memories when my sister had a brainwave of taking out all our photo albums.

We started going through them and the memories started rushing in.

There were photos of my sister when she was a baby and we remembered how she didnt use to leave my mom at all and cry the whole time when my mom wasnt around, how she liked to eat chips after getting up early in the morning.

My photos reminded me of how stupidly naive i used to look (though i cant say the situation has improved), my teeth in front with braces on.

We also remembered all our clothes and also where and when we had brought them from. We had our favourites, then also!

We saw mom and dad getting married.. They were seriously thinner than they are now, to say nothing of the greying hair and fading hairline.. :)

Seeing the photos of our grandparents brought back memories of the gifts they had given us, the unique mannerisms and identities of them which since long have faded away from this world but will never from our mind.

Then there was our old house before the renovation which was simpler but somehow more appealing than the current one.

It also reminded us of the places we had visited, the gardens we used to frequent...

Then I went to my report cards. Right from the kindergarten till the 10th. I was estatic to see the comments my teachers had given me.Felt like I had gone back to school.The class photos at the back were a thing of enjoyment in itself. I could almost see my classmates grow up slowly as each year passed. I remembered the tokens we used to get for a good behaviour and all of us proudly showing them off in the photograph.

When I compared those with the people i had recently met, there was such a stark difference. Some had grown up from being chubby, with specs to being lean with lenses.

Some had grown so tall that it was hard recognising them.

Remembering people I once used to share all my time with, people who were distinct in their own way, people who had come in my life for a very short period, teachers who very fun, made me want to relive all those moments again.

So much a photo album can do, take us back into memory lane.

So anyday you feel sad or depressed, feel as if there is no one for u, just take out your photo albums and go through them. U will find thousands of faces smiling back at you... :)

DEATH FROM CLOSE QUARTERS

Recently I had an experience that shattered my whole idea of existence.

This was the first time I was experiencing the death of a person very close to me.

It made me think and rethink about many aspects of life which i hadnt even imagined existed.

And what better way to feel better than penning your thoughts down on paper... here a blog!

My grandfather from my mothers side died on saturday. Bang in the middle of Diwali.

Being 83 years of age it wasnt unexpected but still we avoid thinking of some things until they eventually happen.

That was the first time I saw a dead body. It was horrible. So different than seeing dead bodies in Dr.Salunkhe's lab in CID.

At that time I realised that we take death so lightly.

Its so easy to say that 'I will die without you' or 'Sitting behind her on a bike makes me think that i am going to die soon'.

But have we really understood what death is?

Death is the end of an era. From the time your parents must have held you in their hands to the time you die. Along the way you find many people, many friends, your soulmate but finally the reality of life is DEATH!

Whatever you have gained in life, money, fame, love is all superficial, something that doesnt matter at all.

People at the end wont remember you by how much you have earned, how much fame did you get, they will only remember you by the person you were.

Anybody passin away is a big deal for the people close to him. It creates a permanant void in their lives.

What remains are the memories of that person.

So you keep crying in the persons memory or laugh at the sweet memories created when he was alive is ofcourse an individual choice.

We come to know a person when we see him in distress. People who came to meet him the last time were crying, maybe thinking of the memories spent with him, maybe thinking that this is what is going to happen to all of us finally. Some were keeping a brave face as if crying might somehow betray their emotions.

The most brave person I saw was my grandmother that day. She was consoling us saying that they had a good life together. He had lived his 80 years. We always think that our loved ones should be near us but that never happens.

I was astounded at her courage and maturity. I would never be so brave in my life!

As for me, I have many regrets. He wasnt a real grandfather but still close enough to miss him.

There are so many things I dont know about him yet, which if he was still here i wouldnt have asked him but I would definitely have liked to know.

But now that is not possible. I wont hear his voice ever again or get a card from him on every birthday. I guess I have to accept this now.

The next day was bright, new and everything was back to normal. Time waits for no one. we were back to normal too.

The same routine followed. office, friends, shopping.. Wat remains is a void which will always be there no matter what!

THE FUTURE IS IN SAFE HANDS

This is a story which made me think.

Some friends of mine and I go to a school to teach each saturday for one hour. We do not teach the children any academic curriculum but the main aim is to get them acquainted with the rest of the world which doesnt even exist for them. Some may call it 'social work', I think it is nothing but mental satisfaction.

Nothing is more satisfactory than seeing their amazed eyes and hearing their 'oohs' and 'aahs' when they see a picture of the Pyramid of Giza or a video of the Great Wall of China.

After the hour we meet and discuss what we have taken and take tips about what else we can teach the children.

At one such meeting a trustee sir came to meet us later. He was in his late sixtees. It was something which he said that remained in my mind long after we had dispersed from there.

He said that we are doing a great job. Finding time from our already busy schedules and coming there to teach the future generation was commendable on our part. We have taken a good initiative and we we should continue doing so.

'Looking at the present generation, I was always afraid' he said. 'What will happen to the country after us. Seeing the present IT boom, people not getting time for even their spouses, I would seriously wonder what would happen to this country with the rich-poor gap widening, But looking at you, seeing the efforts you are putting in selflessly, I can definitely say that the country's future is in good hands'.

This sentence had an astounding effect on us. Somebody trusting us with the country's future? Had we really done anything at all?

But come to think of it, this generation is really conscious of what is going on in the country and what the country needs. There are so many people working for the betterment of the country in different sectors. People help NGOs to form self-help groups for women, go to teach children in slums, try to keep the environment clean by actually, manually cleaning dustbins,rivers etc.

Agreed the pollution has increased, the rivers have become more polluted, natural resources are slowly depleting, but todays generation is taking steps to rectify the problems faced. Maybe the steps taken are small but going in the right direction.

Todays generation is not just going to the pubs, drinking and smoking. Its also helping to make the country grow.

After all this whenever i see my younger sister going to MACD in 9th and 10th std when we didnt even know what it was at the same age, carrying mobile phones in school, having treats and parties, I keep my mouth shut and dont say anything. After all I am sure that they will also be responsible like the present generation and I am sure I will also say... The future is in safe hands....

A NEW BEGINNING, A NEW LIFE...

On the eve of joining a really reputed software company, my mind is clustered with thoughts...

When I was home for two months after the exams with no joining date in hand, I was damn frustrated and bored sitting at home and hoping to get the joining date as soon as possible. Almost all my friends had joined their respective companies and hearing their different experiences, I was rearing to go.

But when I got my joining date last week and was told to join immediately next week, a volley of

thoughts passed my mind. There were too many things to do now and too less time. Suddenly I felt I didnt want to join so soon because once I join, that will b the end of many things. I wont be able to get up late, laze around doing nothing, watch a 11-1 movie on HBO or STAR movies everyday, sleep at 2 am and most important of all I wont be able to get my 2 hours sleep after lunch. Oh my God!

But as all good things have to end, so did my 2 month long vacation. The last week went in a flash. There were too many things to do. That too along with the regular sleep quota( last week of getting sleep-wouldnt have missed it for my life!)

And now the day has arrived. I dont know exactly what my emotions are. I am worried a little, a little flustered(hope all my documents are in order), excited and for the most part ready to start. I am hoping to make new friends there, hoping to fit in and hoping to learn many new things which i have heard only the names of. I am sure this journey will be as fulfilling and as satisfying as the journey till now...

Till then this is me signing off, entering the Corporate World!!!

HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY!

This is something which happened with a friend of mine... In Pune!! U will understand the importance of the exclamation mark after reading this...

My friend, a recently new job goer was returning from his job in a PMC bus. The person who used to say I never travel by bus now has to come each day switching two buses. What a job makes u do!!

Anyways a PMC bus travel as all of us know is not at all hassel-free. U either have to stand the whole time or sit crouched with people sitting just a millimeter apart. The bus conditions do not help at all.Theres tobacco stewn over the windows, half destroyed seats and hoardes of people falling on top of each other. In such a situation no wonder if your wallet gets stolen, your mobile or umbrellas are stolen or lost.

The said friend similarly was coming from from his work one day, tired n wishing to reach home as soon as possible. Between the switching of the buses he found that his wallet has been stolen. A wallet consisting of rs 300, his license, pan card and all the documents of his bike when stolen, added to his frustration and and he came home dejected,frustrated,cursing himself and not even hoping to see his wallet again. Not even knowing the bus number there was no point in making any official complaint of the theft- anyways there is little chance of recovering a stolen wallet.
The only holiday-sunday was now going to be wasted in applying for new documents and going
through the procedures all over again!

The next day dawned bright and new. The same old office(maybe it isnt old yet-not even a month completed), the same people and the same frustration of the added work to do. A call then changed everything.

The call was from Kothrud bus depot made on his home phone no informing him that his wallet was found and he was to collect it whenever possible. When he went there to pick up the wallet, thanking God, his stars and what not, he found that all the documents as well as the money was intact.A sweeper woman had found the wallet in the bus and returned it as it was.
The woman promptly refused the money he tried to give her for returning everything intact and said that she was only doing her job.

In Pune, where we hear of corruption and robberies in daylight these days, this was a welcome change. And this, coming from a person who might have needed the money, makes it even more special.A rich person not needing money giving it back is different than a poor person needing the money and still giving it back.

Everybody needs to learn from this especially some people who have to be bribed to do our job. Just do your job as honestly as you can. Even though you might not be rewarded monetorily, you will definitely get somebodys respect-which is much more satisfying than a monetory gift.