Recently I had an experience that shattered my whole idea of existence.
This was the first time I was experiencing the death of a person very close to me.
It made me think and rethink about many aspects of life which i hadnt even imagined existed.
And what better way to feel better than penning your thoughts down on paper... here a blog!
My grandfather from my mothers side died on saturday. Bang in the middle of Diwali.
Being 83 years of age it wasnt unexpected but still we avoid thinking of some things until they eventually happen.
That was the first time I saw a dead body. It was horrible. So different than seeing dead bodies in Dr.Salunkhe's lab in CID.
At that time I realised that we take death so lightly.
Its so easy to say that 'I will die without you' or 'Sitting behind her on a bike makes me think that i am going to die soon'.
But have we really understood what death is?
Death is the end of an era. From the time your parents must have held you in their hands to the time you die. Along the way you find many people, many friends, your soulmate but finally the reality of life is DEATH!
Whatever you have gained in life, money, fame, love is all superficial, something that doesnt matter at all.
People at the end wont remember you by how much you have earned, how much fame did you get, they will only remember you by the person you were.
Anybody passin away is a big deal for the people close to him. It creates a permanant void in their lives.
What remains are the memories of that person.
So you keep crying in the persons memory or laugh at the sweet memories created when he was alive is ofcourse an individual choice.
We come to know a person when we see him in distress. People who came to meet him the last time were crying, maybe thinking of the memories spent with him, maybe thinking that this is what is going to happen to all of us finally. Some were keeping a brave face as if crying might somehow betray their emotions.
The most brave person I saw was my grandmother that day. She was consoling us saying that they had a good life together. He had lived his 80 years. We always think that our loved ones should be near us but that never happens.
I was astounded at her courage and maturity. I would never be so brave in my life!
As for me, I have many regrets. He wasnt a real grandfather but still close enough to miss him.
There are so many things I dont know about him yet, which if he was still here i wouldnt have asked him but I would definitely have liked to know.
But now that is not possible. I wont hear his voice ever again or get a card from him on every birthday. I guess I have to accept this now.
The next day was bright, new and everything was back to normal. Time waits for no one. we were back to normal too.
The same routine followed. office, friends, shopping.. Wat remains is a void which will always be there no matter what!
